Penny-Weather Halfsies

Narrator:
1957:
Rape-Quake Day; An army of two thousand Brazilian rapists descended upon Tiannemen Square, violets are blue,
I am Paula Radcliffe, AND OMNISCIENT
Please, for the love of me, where am I?
26, GSOH, long walks on the beach, all major credit cards accepted.
‘I remember it as if it was yesterday, I was watching the Kao Long Guardsmen perform Drill with my wife when all these oily, mucky rapists began piling through the Main Gate. I was utterly in dismay, my bloody holiday.’
‘My wife died yesterday. I strangled her.’
I mean, I had to. So many rapists, only one wife. Rather than her be dishonoured, my convincing lies made her give herself willingly. Good girl. Alison. I’ll never forget you.
I remember when we first met. The tears, the violence. You scarred my cornea that day. I remember forcing my thumb into your eyesocket, smiling gently at that little tiny turn your mouth makes every time I cut something off you. I still remember when you had legs...
My blood vessels strained at the surge of hot cock blood pulsing through my fat, engorged, stinking glans. You had shit all over you from yesterday, and we hadn’t eaten so it was really runny. I made us an egg bath and sang lullabies at you inappropriately. Your seventh birthday was even more special...
Just come to womanhood, emerged like a butterfly from a chrysalis, I cut you like your birthday cake.
For which I whole heartedly apologise. (Though I think our little ‘episode’ in 2003 more than made up for it. I mean, I DID fuck you for more than 20 mins! :-P)
Pause of ten seconds, focus on mixing bowl full of flour and water.
Ahem, and then simply, whisk the batter until fluffy and light.
Now and then the Turnbulls arrive to give us all gifts and fairy based surprises. Decorative cakes, her Penny-Weather Halfsies are renowned through hill and dale for their ensconced morbidity.
We recommend our check and send service, available at 2500 post offices nationwide.

Gentle Piglets,
Weaved Ringlets,
I let my carapace run loose,
Now I am wet and engorged.
Old Lady Shitters got hit in the shitter,
Bummed by a dog ‘coz she’s a slag.
EEEUURRGGHHH!
Ta-Da